Perfection

Christ tells us that perfection is possible, and that God Himself demands it, but it’s definitely not easy, and it’s not something I want to portray on my blog. I don’t have all the answers, I’m just chronicling my journey to ultimately making myself happier though the use of habits, both spiritual and temporal, the habits which will bring me closer to God and the ones that will allow His peace into my home and will allow me to influence those around me for the good, and not indifferently or worse, poorly.

Yesterday, full disclosure, was a mess. Of course, the day starts the night before. I found a loophole to my new habit of an electronic curfew one hour before bed, by changing my bedtime “temporarily”, because I wanted to stay up and watch a movie on TV. I had planned to watch a new show, and I’d been having TV nights twice a week, Mondays and Wednesdays, and I really didn’t want to give that up when the show was postponed indefinitely. If there hadn’t been anything “good” on, I probably wouldn’t have fallen for this fallacy, but I hadn’t seen “Jumper” in a long time and was always fascinated by the story. So I stayed up until 10:30, thinking that an 11:30 bed time (instead of 9:45) wouldn’t hurt for once. I was wrong, as I learned the next day…

Firstly, I didn’t end up falling asleep at 11:30, but sometime between 2 and 3. When I did get up (late), even though Hubby took Peanut to school, I didn’t even move until probably 8, when I got a shower and planned to take a walk. That didn’t happen. I also planned to eat, but didn’t eat breakfast or lunch… great for my weight loss, TERRIBLE for my actual health. Yes, I know this. I literally was too tired and unmotivated to eat anything and was tempted to skip dinner. No resolutions happened, I even did my morning prayers, something that has become second nature, only halfway before falling back asleep. At the end of the day, the only things I had gotten done was a very short letter to my family and making 2 St. Patrick’s Day cards for my aunts (mailing them today, hopefully just in time). I fell asleep late, didn’t make the bed, didn’t say Rosary, didn’t eat healthy, did do an electronics curfew, but still took a while to fall asleep. Today, while I did sleep in an extra 1/2 hour, I also sat down and looked at everything I needed to get done over the next 2 days for me to feel accomplished this week, but just the bare minimum. I even included how long I would spend on certain projects, included time on my habits, included things like making and eating 3 meals (so far, so good!), and also time on my blog.

Perfectionism is sometimes my downfall, but only in weird ways. For example, I can only start cleaning at 8:30, but if it’s 8:31 I have to wait until 8:45. No, this thankfully isn’t a compulsion, just a loophole in my mind to give myself an excuse to procrastinate. Today, I did start working at exactly 8:25 (I actually have an alarm set for 8:24, no joke, because I want to start my pomodoro app on time, so to speak). But I continued working through the app even when a subsequent start time was 10:06 (I ended up shortening my 5 minute break after this to 3 minutes, so the next start time was 10:35). We can’t allow perfectionism to get in the way of forming good habits, or they wouldn’t ever happen. I could have just thought, “well, I didn’t get the bed made today, what’s the point?” or “I missed writing in my blog 3 days this week, might as well not do it at all”, but if I want to cultivate the habit of making my bed, or writing daily, I need to come back to it, even though it’s almost guaranteed to be harder even after a 1 day break (starting something over tends to be harder than just continuing). So, I hope I haven’t chased away the 6 views I get per post through this week’s unintended break, and I hope I have given, even in falling, inspiration to go and tackle whatever project, habit, or chore you have looming over you!

St. Thomas Aquinas

Today is the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas, and we have been celebrating for a variety of reasons. I knew about St. Thomas from a young age, under the influence of one of my aunts, who taught at a Dominican school and gave Mom our homeschooling curriculum. The first book I ever read about him was by Raïssa Maritain, a Russian born convert who lived in Paris. Her conversation story is fascinating, and maybe I’ll do a book review of her autobiography in the upcoming weeks of March.

St. Thomas is the Patron Saint of Catholic Schools, a Doctor of the Church who has earned the additional titles “Common Doctor” and “Angelic Doctor”, and he was given the nickname “The Dumb Ox”, which St. Albert foretold would one day “bellow throughout the world”. Born into a noble family who wanted him to become the wealthy* Benedictine Abbot of Monte Casino, he instead became a monk of the young mendicant, or begging, order of Dominicans. He is known for his Summa Theologica, a summary of theology meant for the everyday Catholic, not necessarily for a scholar.

I learned how to celebrate his feast day with games, feasting, and a High Sung Mass as I went to school at St. Dominic’s in Post Falls. Even as one year we had to bound through a foot of snow to get from one “station” to the next, we had a lot of fun celebrating our Patron Saint as honorary Dominicans (a legacy that continues through my life having attended one of their schools and taught at another).

This year is special as Peanut has entered her first year of school, and St. Thomas is now one of her Patron Saints as well. I prepared her for today starting on Monday, and yesterday as I went food shopping I got some treats to celebrate, including strawberries and chocolate milk for breakfast. For lunch she’ll be getting some chocolate Belgian cookies, and at dinner we’ll have a dessert as well, maybe cheesecake. I’ve already celebrated with some delicious cheesy scrambled eggs and bacon (no sugar added), and I’ve reviewed Raïssa Maritain’s book with a view to reading some passages from it to Peanut. 

I hope that everyone is able to celebrate today with enthusiasm and joy, even if it’s only joy that the Lenten strictness is for a day suspended. I’m continuing with the prayer and almsgiving parts of my resolutions, because St. Thomas would have it no other way.

“Angelic Doctor, St. Thomas, prince of theologians and model of philosophers, bright ornament of the Christian world, light of the Church and patron of all Catholic schools, who didst learn wisdom without guile and dost communicate it without envy, pray for us to the Son of God, who is Wisdom itself, that by the coming of the Spirit of Wisdom upon us, we may clearly understand that which thou dost teach, and by imitating thee, may bring to completion that with thou didst do; that we may be made partakers both of thy doctrine and thy holiness; whereby thou didst shine on earth even as the sun; and finally, that we may enjoy with thee in Heaven forever more, the most delectable fruits of the same, praising together with thee Divine Wisdom through endless ages. Amen.

*This is not to say that at the time the Benedictines themselves were wealthy, but that as an established Order, they had benefactors which enabled them in their various callings as teachers, “innkeepers”, and healers. Most religious orders both in the Medieval Ages and continuing on to this day take vows of holy poverty, so that nothing belongs to them alone.

Strawberry Fields Forever

As soon as I saw that strawberries were on sale this week at Aldi’s, I knew I had to stock up. My daughter loves strawberries, and I knew that she would enjoy the fresh ones included in her strawberry breakfast/lunch foods: I’ve also stocked up with strawberry cream oatmeal and we usually have some strawberry yogurt in the refrigerator. Hubby doesn’t seem to have any favorites, but beyond the staples I keep in the house for him (buying a package of Carb Balance tortillas and 2 pounds of shredded cheese a week, among other things) I know that if something is tie-dyed, he’s going to enjoy it. The ribbon on my wedding bouquets was tie-dyed, and so are the Hershey kisses in this year’s Easter basket and the Easter egg dye I’ll be picking up.

Peanut fell in love with some Beatles’ songs from a movie called Across the Universe, or as she calls it, “the Let It Be movie”. She loves the song “Strawberry Fields Forever”, but as with the chicken and the egg, I’m not sure which came first, the love for the song or the love for the fruit. All I do know is that both loves are strong enough for a Strawberry themed birthday party this year (no, not Strawberry Shortcake, she doesn’t know who that is). I’m looking forward to making a few strawberry desserts, I’ve already bought some clearance Valentine’s strawberry flavored candy for favors, and I’ve done my research on decorations, other possible party favors, and invitations (I make them myself every year).

Hubby’s getting a tie-dye themed belated birthday party this summer (we were getting into a house and ready for surgery when his came in December, and he wants to grill out anyhow), but he doesn’t know it yet. I’ll wait for next year to throw a big party (milestone year), and I usually have something ice cream or tea party related, because I can make all the fancy foods myself, and call it a spring party. I love lemony desserts and spring flowers, so I’m glad my birthday is in the middle of all the beauty of the spring season. What are your favorite themes, surprises, or treats?

Enter the Lion

Last week, as I wrote on Thursday, was beautiful. Weather in the upper 40’s and even 50’s (Fahrenheit of course), sun shining, maybe a little muddy because of all the melting snow, but even that was a good sign! I honestly thought spring arrived a month early.

Then today happened. I planned on food shopping because I restart working tomorrow, and I still don’t know my schedule beyond tomorrow (I’ll find out Tuesday night). Such great plans. I was going to conquer the world, get everything done, and by 10:30 am Tuesday morning, my living room would be miraculously and meticulously clean, my food shopping and most of my food preparations for the upcoming week would be done, and I’d babysit at my ease. At 1:32 pm today, as I write this blog, I know that not all of that will be done. I look at my “Done” list versus my “To-Do” list, though, and know that more is done than left to be done. I’ve spent about 3 1/2 hours today doing laundry, dishes (from a while ago, shamefully), working on my living room, making my bed, taking out all the trash for trash day tomorrow, and all the other miscellaneous stuff that was overdue from the end of last week or due today. I foresee maybe another 2 1/2 hours before I can think about working on my living room, but I’m not too worried about it. As far as food shopping goes, Hubby has volunteered to take Peanut to school in the morning, so I’m free to leave at 7 am and can quickly do all my running (3 stores once a week) before I have to get home by 10.

Resolutions: Lent is going well, with the exception of writing in my blog daily (skipped Saturday and Sunday due to life getting crazy). It was hard to restart the blog habit, but I’m finding things to say pretty fluently. With the addition of the daily Rosary, Peanut is learning her Hail Mary through repetition of one decade. I have never kept up with the 40 Steps to Easter book as much as I have this year, only missing 2 days so far. I even woke up Saturday, read that I should make it to Confession that day, and did some online digging so I was waiting in the Confession line at a church 1 hour away by 3:35 pm. God really wanted me to get there and made everything go smoothly so I wasn’t discouraged. Fasting is going as well as expected, still hungry most of the time, but haven’t been able to eat more than a few bites of breakfast for a few days. Peanut is still giving up sweets for the most part. Sometimes Hubby will forget and give her a cookie, and I don’t monitor what she eats at school for snack. If it means she gets a Shamrock shake a day early for St. Patrick’s Day, I’m fine with that. By the time she turns 5, she’ll be under my eye all the time, and can do more anyway. I can see what a sacrifice it is for her when Monday comes around and she asks for something sweet.

Habits: I made my bed every day this weekend, and felt a little better because of it. It’s still optional for me on the weekends, though. Saying the Rosary: not so easy. I don’t have a weekend schedule besides Story Hour on Saturdays and Mass on Sundays, so I don’t have an easy slot to put it. I’m taking steps this week to fix that, by making more of a schedule for both those days. It’s easy for me to say to just get to Mass early or stay after to say a Rosary, but 15 extra minutes (on top of the hour I’m already demanding) is hard enough for Peanut, and I don’t want her to hate the Sacraments. I did say a Rosary Sunday night, and I started it Saturday, but I fell asleep in the middle. Electronic Curfew: I’m doing it, but right now don’t see the point because my mind is possibly more active than before. I have to get to the bottom of this soon. I really want to be asleep by 9:45 pm. Eating healthy: between fasting and Paleo, I’m losing weight steadily now, and eat healthy Monday-Saturday, taking a break on Sunday (healthy breakfast, junk & treats for lunch, small and semi-healthy dinner). It’s working for me right now, and probably after Easter my diet will change again. Seasons are important.

How is your Lent going? Thursday of this week is the exact halfway point, and we have quite a few feast days this week as well. St. Thomas Aquinas is on Wednesday, so I’m not fasting on that day, but will eat healthy. St. Frances of Rome, a housewife, is on Friday, and while I continue the Lenten practice on her feast day, I do ask for her guidance in the upcoming year. Her story in the book 40 Saints for Girls by Joan Windham has stuck with me for many years, and a few years ago I started marking her feast day.

The Importance of Sleep

Wow, today has been rough. Let me start my recap with last night… 

I found that the electronic curfew was as much a success as possible, but less of one than I had expected. Firstly, I was relying on some alarms I thought I had set beforehand, which I either didn’t, didn’t set for the right time, or failure of the safeguards I had in place. However, I decided to “break curfew” in order to set the necessary alarms. Secondly, I miscalculated how long it would take me to do certain tasks, like getting the house shut down and getting ready for bed. I’ve already corrected both these errors by double checking my alarms, setting a few more, and changing some of the times to earlier. I’m making heavy use of my Fitbit’s silent alarm so that I don’t have to turn off my phone every time an alarm goes off. Curfew was in place by 8:50 pm (less than 5 minutes late), but I didn’t get to bed until 10:25. I did get 7 1/2 hours of sleep, an improvement for me, I learned from my mistakes, which is one of the points of doing a boot camp (the beginning doesn’t have to be perfect, as long as you learn from your mistakes and assumptions), and I woke up refreshed, although by 12:45 pm I’m yawning and exhausted and bedtime is 9 hours away.

Last night’s problems may or may not have contributed to today’s. Although I woke up easily and got everything done quickly, this morning was a little more relaxed anyway because Peanut didn’t have to be at school until 8:30 (or even later) for a voluntary Family Fun Day, where we just make some crafts and enjoy the teachers. I meant to make my bed before we left, but didn’t. I “lost” my morning cleaning time because I usually have from 8:30-11:30 to myself while Peanut’s at school to do everything, but I went with her (it’s always fun). When I got home, my motivation was very, very low. So low that I didn’t go upstairs and make the bed until 12:30, then said Rosary with my little girl, and now finally getting to the blog. Eating healthy has been a challenge for me today, and even though my willpower “bank” is running low, it’s still there, somewhat, amidst all the temptations of easy food, like pizza or a cheese quesadilla. I even wanted to say morning prayers later, and instead play on my phone this morning. Lots of willpower use going on today, and I’m low-key annoyed that the habits that are supposed to make these things second nature, are something I have to fight to do. I know it takes far longer than a month to develop habits, and the payoff later will be worth all the battles now, so that is kind of keeping me going. The only future battle I have left is electronic curfew, and although I’m not unrealistic or even optimistic about it, I think it will be less of a problem considering how tired I am right now. I can go upstairs at 8 with Peanut, and read in my bed for an hour, ignoring my phone and not having the TV in front of me, and fall asleep a little early. I’ll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

March: In like a Lion, Out like a Lamb

March was supposed to come in like a lion today, with rain, thunder, and even a little snow. I sent Peanut into school with rain boots and found her rain jacket, and as she got off the bus, the sun was shining, even though it was cloudy and a little chilly on our way to school only a few hours earlier.

My enthusiasm at new beginnings is always at a peak, and steadily declines until a new epiphany, burst of renewed perseverance, or someone noticing that something’s changed spikes it up again, often for the duration of the experiment. For example, I was very enthusiastic of my Whole30 from January 1st-8th this year. I was going to get off all medication, have 60-some pounds melt off with practically no effort, and cure my diabetes. By the 15th, I was about done, I’d been having food nightmares for a week, and by the 20th, I had a cold, was tired all the time and sick of having a lot on my plate. I think the only thing that actually kept me going during January was my aunt’s encouragement and check-ins on my progress (not just asking how Hubby was healing, but wanting to actually hear about me), and I did my 2nd real Reintroduction (having bypassed it the 2nd-5th times I did a Whole30), only because I wanted to know exactly what I could have without spiking my blood sugars and slowing my progress. After that, I was about done, gave in to eating the sweets, carbs, and easy processed foods up until Ash Wednesday (so for about 5 days). My enthusiasm spiked back up after a mid-month check-in by that same aunt, who told me that I, someone who barely exercises and who ate her way into diabetes, gave her the motivation to eat better. Words I never thought I would see or hear. 

I can say all I want that this month’s resolutions began strong, that they are fitting right into my daily life seamlessly, that I’m strong, but as the above example shows, beginnings are easy for me. Since I have made changes to the way my day is run, I can imagine that saying the Rosary during the week will be rather easy, because it just means that I say it during a pre-established quiet time where I was reading, writing my blog, and doing other quiet activities while Peanut reads, plays in her room right next door, or hangs out with Hubby. Electronic curfew will be the hardest to enforce, because I enjoy vegging out on the couch, watching Forensic Files or Monk (on Sundays). However, I know that in the long run I won’t be lying awake, taking sometimes hours to fall asleep, or getting so tired that I can’t fall asleep, or being restless because of all the ideas going through my mind that were sparked by whatever I watched on TV, read online, or comparing myself to others on social media. I will be getting at least 8 hours of good sleep a night, waking up feeling refreshed because of my healthy diet, and feeling happy climbing into a well-made bed.

I’m working on a Habit Boot Camp workbook for anyone who is inspired by what they read here or elsewhere. Be sure to keep looking out for that by the end of the month (if everything goes right, by March 25, in time to start something on April 1st!).

End of the Month Review and Preview: February

With the end of February upon us, I look back on what I’ve accomplished so far, and what next month is ushering in. 

January’s habit boot camp of eating healthier was hard right before Lent, and during the 1st and 2nd Sundays of Lent, but overall I continued, and I’ve renewed my commitment and started the Blood Sugar Regulation diet over today. No excuses, no cheat days, nothing for the next 30 days, because on Day 31, I have my next blood sugar and cholesterol  labs and I want to get off of 2 medicines.

February’s boot camps went well. I didn’t make my bed every day, but I’ve done it at least 75-80% of the month, and decided that if I can take a break on Saturdays and Sundays (the days that I sleep in and Hubby likes to take naps), I get it done without complaint during the week. I’ve also developed a few shortcuts to make it easier to make it in the mornings: our “fancy” pillows get stacked in the closet, the ginormous pillows that we can’t sleep on get stacked in an out of the way place, and after my morning prayers, I throw my own 3 pillows to the foot of the bed before I leave the room (Hubby sleeps a little later than I do right now or I would add in making the bed earlier than 8:15 am). 

As far as Morning Prayers, I have said those every day, except for maybe 3-4 days near the beginning, and I not only feel closer to God, but I’ve kept up my Lenten resolutions far better than I ever have before and I feel spiritually stronger and more able to keep up with my duty of state. I’ve also avoided my habitual sins more. All in all, I’m starting to feel more and more Catholic, and less like someone just acting the part in name only. Hopefully by the end of May, I will be more likely to take advantage of the many Church activities that are offered in Kansas when I go down for my brother’s graduation.

What’s coming up next in the month of March? Except for January, the rest of the year has 2 new habits every month, one for my physical nature and one for my spiritual nature. For the spiritual side of things, I’m going to add in a daily Rosary at the beginning of “Quiet Time” upstairs. This way, Eleanor can join me for at least one decade in the beginning and I’ll grow closer to Our Mother, Mary. Christ traditionally gave His mother to us on Good Friday, and by the close of the month I want to be able to renew my previous fervor towards her. She has definitely blessed my family in the past, and I want to keep that legacy going.

For the physical (for lack of a better word… maybe profane is the one I’m looking for?) resolution, I’m going to install an “Electronics Curfew” in my own life. With the exception of a once a week TV show I may or may not watch (depending on when reruns play), I’m going to turn off the TV, get off my phone, stop listening to podcasts, and get ready for bed 1 hour before I want to be asleep. I like to listen to podcasts in the shower, but I think I’d rather take that away as an experiment this month and see in April if listening to podcasts in the shower only prevents me from falling asleep quickly. Some exceptions to my curfew: I’m going to heighten the “warm” setting on my phone and download new podcasts overnight so that they are ready for the next day (an easier way to keep my eyes off the phone during the day), so that 5 minutes will be less harmful to my sleep. I’m going to listen to some classical music during my showers, nothing with words. If Hubby’s up and watching TV late (it comes and goes), I’m going to head upstairs early and listen to classical music on my headphones, to keep out the noise and not worry about getting curious on what he’s watching. I’m looking forward to seeing what this habit brings to my sleep patterns and how it makes me more healthy.

Has anyone else started something like my boot camp project, even to try it out for one month? It would be interesting to hear if I’ve inspired anyone else to focus totally on something they’ve always wanted to do, learn, or even a habit they’ve wanted to break. This won’t work for everyone, and may not be a long-term solution to repeat every single year, but I’m committed to experimenting with these new habits for 12 months, and I’ve only got 10 months and 20 new habits to go! It may seem like a lot of time and habits, but taking it little by little has gone well so far, and after all, the other months are much longer than February was. Stay optimistic!